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Ever heard of the term “friends with benefits”? You know, the one where you sleep with friends that are supposed to have your back and create unforgettable memories with you. This act can be a one-time thing or an occasional fling. It may even be something steady until the brutal truths of the complicated situation occur to you.
While friendship is inspiring, empowering, and a tad bit demanding, it is not advisable to add certain “benefits” to the equation. Everything is pleasant when it comes to friendship, except the illegitimate indulgence in sex or sexual activities.
While some friends with benefits situations have resulted in the ultimate relationship goals, it has also resulted in a long line of destroyed friendship goals. Many friends have parted ways due to the devil called “benefits” and have insisted on hating themselves until eternity.
How do friends with benefits situations occur?
With the rising stories of good friends turning friends with benefits, it begs the question of how the situation arises?
Friendship without boundaries
This situation arises when two good friends do not set specific limits on their friendship. They are comfortable being in the same room, undressed and stark naked. This is worse when both parties are of the opposite sex.
They fail to realize that they could develop feelings or attractions towards each other, in a world where men are moved by what they see. They forget that they are no longer 10, and have lost the innocence not to take things further. It may seem appropriate as same-sex friends, but it is out of habit when both of you can fall in love. A condition where one of the friends desires her female best friend does not help matters.
Unrequited feelings or attraction on the side of one person
This happens a lot in boy-girl good friends’ relationships. When one party is madly in love with the other party that seems oblivious to the other person, curiosity and cluelessness on the part of one party may lead to ”friends with benefits” situations.
Drunken escapades and obliviousness to reality
Yes, you must have heard of stories where two best friends ended up having a one-night stand after being wasted. Sometimes, it stops as a one-time situation, and other times it escalates into frequent friends with benefits situations.
Well, a lot of friends fall prey to this category. When two good friends are in their feelings, or emotionally vulnerable, it most likely leads to one party initiating a need for comfort through sex. It takes serious self-control for the other partner to put a stop to it before it escalates further. If no one is stopping it, it can be a one-time thing or an occasional stress-reliever for both parties.
Exploration of their sexualities
This occurs a lot between teenage best friends. Once puberty hits, the urge to explore one’s sexuality heightens. Without thinking about the consequences, lots of teenage friends engage in friends with benefits in a bid to explore their sexualities.
There are many more scenarios that lead to friends with benefits situations. However, the focus is on the brutal truths about this situation, which friends often fail to realize.
Here are six brutal truths about friends with benefits
1. From start to finish, you will be considered a fuck buddy
Let us put aside your friendship now. When you sleep with friends, you are no different from a casual fling or fuck buddy. When it comes to the “benefits” aspect, you are only allowed to pleasure each other physically and reach several highs of multiple orgasms. That is the peak of it.
There is usually no need to connect on an emotional level, the kind of emotions associated with lovers in a healthy relationship. Personal trust and dependency are lacking, especially when both of you have agreed not to catch feelings.
Would you be satisfied going through such a roller coaster? It is useful if you can ascertain that no feelings will be involved. It is also okay if you can be pleased with not being introduced to other people as nothing more than a friend. It is okay if you do not have any desire to be emotionally attached and stable.
However, if you desire any of the above conditions, then you are setting yourself up for an emotional letdown.
2. It can be a valuable sex education lesson
Since a lot of scenarios that involve sleeping with friends stemmed from curiosity about sex and sexualities. Friends with benefits can be invaluable in sex education. It gives an avenue for both partners to be comfortable to explore their sexual preferences, sexual activities they wish to try, and ultimately lead to a sex education class, just with a good friend. It cannot get better.
In the absence of any feelings, it can be an enjoyable learning opportunity for both parties. However, if your expectations were not met, it can be a lesson gone wrong. Imagine being repulsed over a sexual activity you had with your friend. It becomes hard to face such a friend without replaying the wrong lessons over and over in your mind.
3. It is uncertain that there will be no strings attached
Often, people fall in love with their best friends without even thinking about it. The affection, care, and understanding of a good friend are enough to make you fall in love. It is easier to catch feelings when you indulge in a sexually benefiting friendship with someone. You and your friend may share the intention that no strings will be attached right from the start, but then love happens.
4. Don’t expect the rights of a partner
Friends with benefits do require the need to draw the line, as one of the parties may start pretending it is a real relationship. Do not expect breakfast in bed when you sleepover, or go on a date that won’t end up in sex. It doesn’t work that way. So, you need to limit your expectations if you have to indulge in friends with benefits situations for any reason.
Outside your friendship, it is only sex and sexual activities, nothing more. So, don’t act surprised when your friend calls their friends over after several rounds of steamy passionate sex.
5. When the “benefits” cease to exist, so will the friendship
Many friendships have been broken when the friends with benefits situations ended. It is not rocket science. If you get caught up in any reality, and you have to let go of the friends with benefit opportunity, you may as well be saying goodbye to your friends too. Hence, it takes a strong relationship that has been tested over time to withstand the heat from a “benefits” situation.
6. Mutual acceptance and understanding of the situation will do you good
It takes effort on the part of both friends not to end this “benefit” state in hatred. Friends have to place value on their friendship above sexual pleasure and accept that there will be consequences if this will yield a good outcome.
Both friends can accept that there will be an expiration date for their beneficial activity, and each of them may find partners to settle with along the line. Then, it is easier to preserve such friendship.
In an attempt to avoid the consequences that occur when you sleep with friends, it is best to avoid scenarios that create such situations. You should value your friendship above all, and if you must engage in the friends with benefits act, do so while being realistically truthful with the other party.
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