Sex undeniably is an act that we cannot help but talk about it. Long gone are the days when sex talk was considered an abnormality. Nowadays, sex talk is all over the place. Little wonder we have quotes and short phrases on sex.
Sex quotes range from those between a woman and a man to that between two people of the same sex to quotes about oral sex to multiple participants’ sex. Many of the commonly used sex quotes are empowering, quirky, seductive, funny, and straight out naughty.
There are those abstracted from the speeches of celebrities, sex therapists, psychologists, and so on have written many great sex quotes.
Whether you are looking to find quotes about oral sex, same-sex, empowering sex, funny sex, etc. we have got you covered. Check out the ones listed below.
Funny sex quotes that will make you smile or laugh
1. “I’ve given guys blow jobs just because I’ve run out of things to talk about.’
Oh, Rae. Who hasn’t?”
— Anne Lamott.
2. “I don’t know the question, but sex is the answer.”
― Woody Allen.
3. “Clinton lied. A man might forget where he parks or where he lives, but he never forgets oral sex, no matter how bad it is.”
— Barbara Bush.
4. “I need more sex, OK? Before I die, I wanna taste everyone in the world.”
― Angelina Jolie.
5. “Love is an ice cream sundae, with all the marvelous coverings. Sex is the cherry on top.”
― Jimmy Dean.
6. “My mother told me that life isn’t always about pleasing yourself and that sometimes you have to do things for the sole benefit of another human being. I completely agreed with her, but reminded her that that was what blow jobs were for.”
— Chelsea Handler.
7. “My wife is a sex object. Every time I ask for sex, she objects.”
― Les Dawson.
8. “Just because I like to suck cock doesn’t make me any less American than Jesse Helms.”
— Allen Ginsberg.
9. “His saliva tasted like the wet dicks of ten thousand lonely truck drivers.”
— Chuck Palahniuk.
10. “My first time I jacked off, I thought I’d invented it. I looked down at my sloppy handful of junk and thought, ‘This is going to make me rich.”
― Chuck Palahniuk.
11. “I couldn’t possibly have sex with someone with such a slender grasp on grammar!”
― Russell Brand.
12. “I think these pipe-smokers ought just to go ahead and suck a dick. There’s nothing wrong with suckin’ dicks. Men do it, and women do it; can’t be all bad if everybody’s doin’ it. I say, Drop the pipe, and go to the dick! That’s my advice. I’m here to help.”
— George Carlin.
13. “You know that look that women get when they want to have sex? Me neither.”
― Steve Martin.
14. “Before going home with a guy, give him a blow job. Guys are always more relaxed after a blow job. (You’re welcome, guys. P.S. Girls can’t see this sentence!!!!!).”
— Eugene Mirman.
15. “It’s unfair for women to say that guys only want one thing: sex. We also want food.”
― Jarod Kintz.
16. “Sex is the most fun you can have without laughing.”
― Woody Allen.
17. “You know the worst thing about oral sex? The view.”
— Maureen Lipman.
18. “It’s just a penis, right? Probably no worse for you than smoking.”
— David Sedaris.
19. “I want to thank my wife, Blake. Everything I do is to make her laugh, especially sex!”
― Ryan Reynolds.
20. “Everything in the world is about sex except sex. Sex is about power.”
― Oscar Wilde.
21. “Good sex is like good bridge. If you don’t have a good partner, you’d better have a good hand.”
― Mae West.
22. “If you want to get laid, go to college. If you want an education, go to the library.”
― Frank Zappa.
23. “Sex is always about emotions. Good sex is about free emotions; bad sex is about blocked emotions.”
― Deepak Chopra.
24. “We have reason to believe that man first walked upright to free his hands for masturbation.”
― Lily Tomlin.
25. “A sixty – eight, He wants you to go down on Him, but He won’t return the favor. It would be sixty-nine, but he owes you one.”
— Lisa Kleypas.
26. “Remember, sex is like a Chinese dinner. It isn’t over ’til you both get your cookie.”
― Alec Baldwin.
27. “Sex is the driving force on the planet. We should embrace it, not see it as the enemy.”
― Hugh Hefner.
28. “Sex is the best high. It’s better than any drug. I want to die, making love because it feels so good.”
― Bai Ling.
29. “Sex is like money: Only too much is enough.”
― John Updike, novelist.
30. “You can’t have rock ‘n’ roll without drugs. You can’t have rock ‘n’ roll without sex.”
― Rick James.
31. “The only unnatural sex act is that which you cannot perform.”
― Alfred Kinsey.
32. “Sex is great until you die, but it’s never as great as it was when you were a kid when it was a mystery.”
33. “I write about sex because often it feels like the most important thing in the world.”
34. “You can’t talk about fucking in America; people say you’re dirty. But if you talk about killing somebody, that’s cool.”
― Richard Pryor.
35. “Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place.”
― Billy Crystal.
36. “I know a man who gave up smoking, drinking, sex, and rich food. He was healthy right up to the day he killed himself.”
― Johnny Carson.
37. “I blame my mother for my poor sex life. All she told me was, ‘The man goes on top and the woman underneath.’ For three years, my husband and I slept in bunk beds.”
― Joan Rivers.
38. “I have tried sex with both men and women. I found I liked it.”
― Dusty Springfield.
39. “Sex: In America, an obsession. In other parts of the world, a fact.”
― Marlene Dietrich.
40. “I need sex for a clear complexion, but I’d rather do it for love.”
― Joan Crawford.
41. “Kissing—and I mean like, yummy, smacking kissing—is the most delicious, most beautiful, and passionate thing that two people can do, bar none. Better than sex, hands down.”
― Drew Barrymore.
42. “Sex is a bad thing because it rumples the clothes.”
― Jackie Kennedy.
43. “There’s no religion but sex and music.”
44. “Sex is hardly ever just about sex.”
― Shirley MacLaine.
45. “Well, there was no sex for 14 days.”
― Arnold Schwarzenegger.
46. “Every girl who has dated a football player, they all have sex the same way.”
― Kim Kardashian.
47. “John and I had a double date, and we were joking around, and I go, ‘John’s never seen my butthole.’ And John says, ‘Are you kidding? Every time anyone does anything doggy style, you see a butthole. I see it every time.’ I was like, ‘We are never doing it doggy style again.’”
― Chrissy Teigen.
48. “To succeed with the opposite sex, tell her you’re impotent. She can’t wait to disprove it.”
― Cary Grant.
49. “If I don’t have sex every day, I get a headache.”
50. “I would lose weight if it affected my health or sex life, which it doesn’t.”
Use these hilarious quotes on anyone and watch them cover their face with a smile. If used well, they may even serve as the opener to a good sexual experience.
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